Band Madness!

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Mini Madness: Squarest Band by Dan H.

In honor of my parents’ recent visit to New York and a strange conversation with my mother concerning the Rolling Stones, I’ve been thinking about what I consider to be “parent” music, and not just Rolling Stones, Beatles, Elton John and whatever light folk or quirky side-thing (country, Saturday Night Fever soundtrack) parents just sort of quietly enjoy. I’m talking about absolutely, universally lame adult music that attaches plastic explosives to the bridges across the generation gap. I gotta ask, which is the most notorious “lame” band?

19 comments posted so far

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Dream Band: Drummers, Round 1 by Dan H.

Thanks for being patient, everyone, but now it’s time to move the arguments to the world of drummers and bassists. Who’s gonna be twirling the sticks for the Dream Band?

Remember two things:

1) You don’t necessarily have to pick the more technically skilled or more revered performer, the only question is, “who would you like to have as the drummer in your band?

2) We’re picking a drummer now, so the Dream Band is probably going to have to rehearse at this person’s house. Have at it.

20 comments posted so far

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Drummers and Bassists Coming Soon by Dan H.

Apologies for the lack of updating, but between getting drunk at the Webby Awards, performing in Sketch Fest NYC, and working for the website that actually pays me, I simply haven’t gotten around to writing a bunch of code involving the names of drummers and bassists. Keep the arguments coming, though, and I promise I’ll have the poll up within the next day. I’m glad you understand, I am guessing.

No comments posted so far

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Dream Band: Lists Revealed! by Dan H.

Here are the lists for the forthcoming Dream Band tournaments. Leave all complaints, or, if you haven’t figured out how internet feedback works yet, compliments, in the comments!

FRONTMEN

(Vote now!)

Alice Cooper
Anthony Kiedis - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Axl Rose - Guns n’ Roses
Billie Joe Armstrong - Green Day
Billy Corgan - Smashing Pumpkins
Bon Scott - AC/DC
Bono - U2
Bryan Ferry - Roxy Music
Chris Cornell - Soundgarden, Audioslave
Dave Gahan - Depeche Mode
Dave Matthews
Davey Havok - AFI
David Bowie
David Byrne - Talking Heads
David Lee Roth - Van Halen, solo
Debbie Harry - Blondie
Eddie Argos - Art Brut
Eddie Vedder - Pearl Jam
Elvis Costello
Frank Black - Pixies
Freddie Mercury - Queen
Gene Simmons - Kiss
Grace Slick - Jefferson Airplane
Henry Rollins - Black Flag, Rollins Band
Ian Curtis - Joy Division
Iggy Pop
James Brown
James Hetfield - Metallica
Janis Joplin
Jeff Mangum - Neutral Milk Hotel
Jello Biafra - Dead Kennedys
Jim Morrison - The Doors
Joe Strummer - The Clash
Joey Ramone - The Ramones
Johnny Rotten - Sex Pistols
Jon Bon Jovi
Kurt Cobain - Nirvana
Layne Staley - Alice In Chains
Liam Gallagher - Oasis
Meat Loaf
Michael Hutchence - INXS
Michael Stipe - R.E.M.
Mick Jagger - Rolling Stones
Morrissey - The Smiths, solo
Ozzy Osbourne - Black Sabbath, solo
Prince
Rivers Cuomo - Weezer
Robert Plant - Led Zeppelin
Robert Pollard - Guided By Voices
Robert Smith - The Cure
Roger Daltrey - The Who
Ronnie James Dio - Solo, etc.
Scott Weiland - Stone Temple Pilots, Velvet Revolver
Shane McGowan - The Pogues
Stephen Malkmus - Pavement, solo
Steve Perry - Journey
Steven Tyler - Aerosmith
Sting - The Police, solo
Ted Leo - Ted Leo & The Pharmacists
Thom Yorke - Radiohead
Trent Reznor - Nine Inch Nails
Wayne Coyne - Flaming Lips
Zach De La Roche - Rage Against the Machine
Zack Morris - Zack Attack

DRUMMERS

(Voting will open on Wednesday, June 6th)

Alex Van Halen - Van Halen
Animal - Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem (Muppets)
Bill Bruford - Yes, King Crimson
Brad Wilk - Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave
Carl Palmer - Emerson, Lake and Palmer
Carter Beauford - Dave Matthews Band
Charlie Watts - Rolling Stones
Chris Frantz - Talking Heads
Chris Pennie - Dillinger Escape Plan
Clyde Stubblefield - James Brown, rap samples
Danny Carey - Tool
Dave Grohl - Nirvana
Dave Lombardo - Slayer
Ginger Baker - Cream
Ian Paice - Deep Purple
Jimmy Chamberlain - Smashing Pumpkins
John Bonham - Led Zeppelin
Keith Moon - The Who
Larry Mullen Jr. - U2
Lars Ulrich - Metallica
Max Weinberg - E Street Band, Conan
Mick Fleetwood - Fleetwood Mac
Mitch Mitchell - Jimi Hendrix Experience
Neil Peart - Rush
Phil Collins - Genesis
Ringo Starr - Beatles
Steve Gadd - Steely Dan
Steve Smith - Journey
Stewart Copeland - The Police
Terry Bozzio - Frank Zappa
Travis Barker - blink-182
Zak Starkey - Oasis, modern Who

BASSISTS

(Voting will open on Thursday, June 7th)

Adam Clayton - U2
Bootsy Collins - Parliament/Funkadelic
Bruce Thomas - Elvis Costello & The Attractions
Charlie from “Lost”
Chris Squire - Yes
Cliff Burton - Metallica
Colin Moulding- XTC
Derek Smalls - Spinal Tap
Flea - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Geddy Lee - Rush
Geezer Butler - Black Sabbath
Jack Bruce - Cream
Jaco Pastorius - Weather Report, solo
John Entwistle - The Who
John Paul Jones - Led Zeppelin
Kim Deal - Pixies, Breeders
Krist Novoselic - Nirvana
Les Claypool - Primus
Mark Sandman - Morphine
Mike Gordon - Phish
Mike Watt - Minutemen
Paul McCartney - Wings
Paul Simonon - The Clash
Peter Hook - Joy Division, New Order
Phil Lesh - Grateful Dead
Phil Lynott - Thin Lizzy
Roger Waters - Pink Floyd
Sid Vicious - Sex Pistols
Steve Harris - Iron Maiden
Tony Levin - King Crimson
Victor Wooten - Bela Fleck & The Flecktones
William Mysterious - Rezillos

SONGWRITERS

(Voting will open on Monday, June 11)

Ben Folds
Benny Andersson / Bjorn Ulvaeus - Abba
Billy Joel
Bob Dylan
Brian Wilson - Beach Boys
Bruce Springsteen
Cat Stevens
Elliot Smith
Elton John / Bernie Taupin
Harry Nilsson
James Taylor
Jeff Lynne - ELO
John Fogerty - CCR
John Lennon / Paul McCartney - Beatles
Joni Mitchell
Leonard Cohen
Lou Reed
Marvin Gaye
Neil Young
Nick Cave
Otis Redding
Paul Simon
Randy Newman
Ray Davies - The Kinks
Robbie Robertson - The Band
Roy Orbison
Stevie Nicks - Fleetwood Mac, solo
Stuart Murdoch - Belle & Sebastian
Todd Rundgren
Tom Petty
Tom Waits
Van Morrison

29 comments posted so far

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Dream Band Begins! by Dan H.

64 lead singers. 64 guitarists. 32 drummers. 32 bassists. 32 songwriters. Five seperate tournaments, whittled down to one person in each category, will be held to determine the lineup for the greatest possible band ever assembled. Either that, or five unrelated human beings who never would have gotten along or sounded good together. But either way, we’re gonna have a lot of fun and a lot of arguments in which one commenter calls another one a pussy along the way.

Once we have declared a lineup for the greatest supergroup in rock history, Chris and I will offer the money we have made off of the Google ads on this site - somewhere between $159 and $90,000,000 - to the Dream Band to form and put on a concert on this site. I know what some of you are thinking, but believe me, rock is not about the money, or about still being alive. The Dream Band is happening.

Jump over to the right and vote in Round One of the Guitarist Tournament! The poll will be open until 5:00 Friday. The rest of the tournament brackets will be revealed later today, and the Frontman tournament will begin tomorrow.

Go vote, spread the word, and let those people having fun vs. people taking it weirdly seriously comments fly!

17 comments posted so far

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Ice Cream Challenge: The Beatles by Dan H.

Well, the Fab Four have officially managed to earn themselves the greatest honor in the history of human culture - a Band Madness championship. To celebrate, let’s shower them with the second greatest honor in the history of human culture - a Wednesday Ice Cream Challenge. Too many good flavors to pick from, but who could resist the rare critical plus commercial appeal of:

I Am the Walnuts
Here Comes the Sundae
Moussie in the Pie With Almonds
Happiness is Some Warm Fudge
Eating For the Lemon-fit of Mr. Ice!
Sgt. Peppermint’s Conely Tarts Tongue Brand

Man, I could go on forever. Someone please start posting some in the comments before I literally call off work and listen to every Beatles album and pretend I’m eating every song that comes on.

11 comments posted so far

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Tuesday Rivalry: Neeeeeeeerrrrrrddds! by Dan H.

We’ve made fun of a lot of people over the course of this tournament - AFI fans, DMB fraternities, Oasis, crappy American bands, Canadian bands that aren’t crappy but who cares cause they’re Canadian - but we haven’t really turned the gun on ourselves yet. We’ll save the indie self-deprication for another day (when Laibach returns), but in the meantime, it’s time to fess up - who’s the nerdiest band, and how many of their albums do we own?

My name is Dan, and I have seen Rush in concert. Yep, they had a big dragon.

14 comments posted so far

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Band Madness 2007 Champion: The Beatles by Dan H.

Beatles 933, Led Zeppelin 551. Numbers that will forever be etched into our memories along with Babe Ruth’s 714 home runs, the December 7, 1941 Pearl Harbor bombing, and September 13th, 1993 - aka, “Mortal Monday” (release of MK 1 for Super Nintendo). The fact that I had to Google the Pearl Harbor date just to make sure should clinch without a shadow of a doubt that I am not a human being of any worth, or, perhaps, that the Band Madness 2007 final score is more seminal than the Pearl Harbor date, and I only have the room in my brain to remember three important numbers (hence, proving the previous sentence anyway.)

Now that I can no longer impact voting by my moderative posts, I’ll say that I am actually somewhat surprised, though very satisfied, with the outcome. I’m satisfied because I do love The Beatles and because they certainly fit the criteria of “who do you like better?”, the tournament’s founding principle, as opposed to “who do people feel obligated to vote for even though they don’t listen to them,” i.e., a lot of bands that went pretty far in the competition. I’m surprised, though, because Pink Floyd looked like such a powerhouse last year, and beat the Beatles head-to-head, plus had a strong online following and a bunch of other strong online followings (NIN, Depeche Mode, The Cure, etc.) probably would have favored Floyd over The Beatles, despite the general public’s obvious persuasion towards the latter. I’m also surprised because I was fully expecting (/hoping?) that a fanbase would hijack the site, which the AFIers did, but general common sense won out in the end, though for the record, I do not begrudge those fans at all, they were terrific commenters and sparked lots of conversation. And not just “AFI / Ramones? AFI all the way!” “You’re queer and your fucking band is queer.”

We have another fantastical tournament on the way later this week (did someone say guitarists??? Besides me just literally typing that word out right now???) but in the meantime, what do people think about The Beatles’ victory, and/or about the ‘07 tournament in general?

13 comments posted so far

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Tuesday Rivalry: Born in the U.S.A. by Dan H.

With only one American band making it into in the Elite Eight (who probably didn’t even belong there), let’s take some time to at least pat ourselves on the back for the (kind of) legendary bands that our great country has produced, even if we don’t really dust off their albums much these days.

58 comments posted so far

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Off the Record: Third Place? by Dan H.

This matchup doesn’t actually count - it is not officially sanctioned by the Boxing Association of America, or the Despair Faction of America, or Guinness - but, just for fantasy’s sake, let’s find out what happens when we place our two Final Four runners-up into a jar and shake it up to make them fight.

This is David Bowie versus Pink Floyd, people. It’s Moonage Daydream versus Dark Side of the Moon. Diamond Dogs versus regular Dogs. Glam Rock versus Slam Rock.

Pink Floyd has actually never been called “Slam Rock,” nor is “Slam Rock” an actual thing that exists or means anything. I just wanted a catchy boxing-promoter kind of lead-in, but I blew it, and now I’m just gonna pout while you vote on this fake matchup and leave some fake comments. Or maybe real ones. I don’t know, I’m pouting real hard.

10 comments posted so far

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Westminster City Council Election, High Street Ward by Nate Kushner

We just talked to England, and they said that we could do a do-over on the city council election that just took place for the High Street Ward of Westminster, in which Blur drummer Dave Rowntree was one of the candidates. They were really cool about it, and they said that they would let this actually count as the city council election.

3 comments posted so far

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Band Gladness: The Frolicsome Four (Vote for the gladder band!) by Nate Kushner

Who’s Gladder?

For the weekend, enjoy the semi-finals of Band Gladness!

Not that they didn’t deserve it, because they are both incredibly happy bands, but it was still slightly surprising to see ABBA and the Monkees make it this far, particularly ABBA against the Beatles. The Beach Boys and Polyphonic Spree, I think nobody had any doubt they’d be there, and I fully expect them both to move onto the finals. But if you disagree, why dont you put your smile where your mouth is and vote a little?

Remember, you’re NOT voting for the one you like better. You’re voting for the one you think is gladder! GLADDER, NOT BETTER!

4 comments posted so far

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Mini Madness: Better Live? by Dan H.

A lot of times, a recorded live version of a song is just sort of a crappier, slightly less produced unnecessary relic that exists for harcore fans of the band to berate casual fans of the band for not enjoying it as much as the recorded one. However, in some rare instances, and following no pattern that I can discern, live versions of songs become incredibly more well-known than the originals, often completely replacing their studio predecessors in radio rotation.

Is there a poster child for this type of song? Or is it too minor of a phenomenon? Note: this question is not “which is the best song / live performance.”

5 comments posted so far

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Ice Cream Challenge: Pink Floyd by Dan H.

They made it to the Finals last year, losing only to Nine Inch Nails, but right now, Pink Floyd’s in some Final Four jeopardy. Regardless of the eventual outcome, though, we feel obligated to at least honor the acid-rock legends with a Wednesday Ice Cream Challenge. How could a grounded high school kid resist the taste of:

Dark Chocolate On The Spoon
Cashews Were Here
Peppermint at the Gates of Fondue
The Great Fig In The Pie
Confectionery Yum!

Maybe we don’t eat ‘em much nowadays, but these ice creams always cheered us up during our most pointlessly angsty years. Pink Floyd Ben & Jerry’s flavors, people - leave them in the comments!

11 comments posted so far

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Not Cool, Minor Threat by Dan H.

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/stories/2007/05/07/015.html

I knew those guys were angry, but come on, you can’t take it out on butterflies.

They reunited for this??

3 comments posted so far

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Dream Band: Songwriters, Round 1

Underappreciated in the public eye, overappreciated at the Grammy Awards (which themselves are underappreciated in the public eye, because they’re worthless) - yes, songwriters truly have it all. They actually don’t, I just figured I’d conclude my introduction to legendary writers with a coldly cliched line. Which actually makes it brilliant, I’m pretty sure. Go vote.

12 comments posted so far

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Dream Band: Frontmen, Round 1

Ability? Image? Voice? Style? Sense of humor? What are we going to value the most when choosing the lead singer of our Dream Band?

Good luck whittling down this incredibly stacked list of lead singers; voting goes through midnight Wednesday, at which point, we’ll start to have some sort of vague direction for what this band’s going to look like, be it rock or metal or punk or some awesome combination of all of those, living and dead. Or maybe we can just elect Jeff Mangum and send the Dream Band into inexplicable estrangement

58 comments posted so far

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Band Gladness Finals: The Tickled-Pink Two!

Joy Division edged The Smiths in the Band Sadness finals, but the title of Gladdest Band is going to The Monkees, who knocked off the Beach Boys, 322-257, in the Band Gladness Finals.

Who will win the next tournament that is named “Band” and then something that rhymes with “mad” and then “ness?” Only time will tell.

3 comments posted so far

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The Finals: Beatles vs. Led Zeppelin

This is it. The Finals. All the votes, all the angry comments, all the upsets, all the bands who won in upsets losing to bigger bands shortly thereafter… I don’t want to overstate the importance of this event, so all I’ll say is that this may be the greatest moment not just in music history, but in the history of all of history ever.

Who do you like better?

52 comments posted so far

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Band Madness: Round 8: The Final Four

Two undefinable artists with unique catalogues and an unmatched combination of commercial, ciritcal, and popular admiration. Two legendary classic rock bands whose albums have provided the soundtrack to the lives of countless millions across a half dozen generations.

Four bands. Four bombastic descriptions. Two will advance. One question: Whom do you like better?

67 comments posted so far

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Band Madness: Round 6 - The Sweet 16

Well, it was a long, hard fight, but Pink Floyd came out on top. AFI fans, you did your best. A few bad apples nearly ruined it for all of you, but in the end we made the best compromise we could, and your band went out as honorably as possible. You guys are dedicated to a fault, and we can’t wait to have AFI in the tournament again next time.

Now it’s up to Pink Floyd fans. Your strongest competition in the tournament so far has been knocked out, and Nine Inch Nails isn’t here to stop you this time. You’re up against The Doors next - does this mean a free ride to the Final Four? Good luck.

Want to talk about this crazy round over the weekend? Wouldn’t you know it, we’ve got a forum for just that sort of thing!

One last thing…the first round of our mini-tournament, Band Gladness, will be up and available for voting all weekend, so go ahead and vote! Remember to vote on which band in each matchup you think is the happier band!

Want to talk about this crazy round over the weekend? Wouldn’t you know it, we’ve got a forum for just that sort of thing!

917 comments posted so far